Taking a risk that affects multiple people tugs and sometimes rips my heart strings.
In December, I accepted a job at the International School of Panama. It is a dream job, amazing location, and an incredible school for me and my children.
With this decision, there are a tidal wave of unknowns. When I erase all the practical unknowns of who will rent our house, will we find caretakers for our pets, and so on. The hardest part are the issues that have surfaced with my youngest child.
As a middle schooler, life is tough. It wasn't as obvious with my oldest who was born with a natural flexibility and balanced perspective on life. My youngest on the other hand has had a hell of a year.
Panama has surfaced multiple worries and issues in him. As a parent, I have been tested daily on how to help him. Some days are better than others. Other days I want to call it all off; buckling under the pressure to keep his life safe and predictable.
I know that this adventure (it is only 2 years) will be the best thing for him. Watching him torture himself over the uncertainty as well as the social pain of feeling like an outcast in middle school has been the hardest thing I have dealt with as a parent. Ever.
Panama brought so much to the surface for him. Eventually, we would have seen the same issues in him at different times in his life--7th grade, first breakup, going to college, who knows when and what would have been the trigger.
The life lessons. The coping skills. The flexibility. Perspective. These are a few of the life skills I hope he acquires throughout the experience.
Compassion. Patience. Understanding. These are the skills I hope to maintain and develop as a parent.
Luckily, he is forming a village during this process because my husband and I can't do it alone. I am thankful for his Nordic coach, teachers, and counselor who are helping my child.
My current Slice of Life has my heart and soul aching. The faith and gut feeling that this is the right thing for our family is the thread that holds it together. Just enough.